Navigating relationships and social interaction during your transition

[00:00:07] Speaker A: We are back. [00:00:07] Speaker B: This is your boy, ig. And we are back on the transition podcast where we are talking all things transition. I mean, I'm not gonna say all things transition. I'm talking about when we are as athletes or current athletes, we've done this our whole lives. And some, at some point, guess what? [00:00:24] Speaker A: We have to transition out. [00:00:26] Speaker B: And I just keep asking the question, how come anybody didn't prepare me for this transition? Why aren't we talking about this transition? [00:00:36] Speaker A: Like it or not, ready or not, the transition is going to happen. [00:00:41] Speaker B: And my hope for this podcast is to be able to prepare you, equip you with the tools, with the knowledge. [00:00:47] Speaker A: The information, the experiences, the stories to prepare you for that transition for life after sports. That's the goal here. [00:00:56] Speaker B: I want to hear from experts, I want to hear from those who have the experience of transitioning from sports, from. [00:01:02] Speaker A: The collegiate level, from the professional level. [00:01:07] Speaker B: I want to hear from experts that. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Have helped athletes transition from life after sports. Honestly, I really just want to impact generations. I do. [00:01:16] Speaker B: I want to inspire greatness and I want to impact generations. Because there is a generation of athletes that are coming up behind this, that. [00:01:23] Speaker A: Need to know this. It's going to happen. Sports will end one day. And that's okay, because you are valuable either way. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Whether you're athlete, whether you're in sports, whether you're out of sports, you have. [00:01:34] Speaker A: Something to contribute to this world. [00:01:38] Speaker B: And so often we've played sports for 2025 plus years, our whole lives. [00:01:44] Speaker A: And it becomes part of our identity. It becomes a part of who we are. And when it comes to a halt, you're left with the realities. Who am I? What do I do? And let me tell you, I can. [00:02:01] Speaker B: Give you, and I am excited to share my transition story. [00:02:04] Speaker A: But it wasn't pretty. By the grace of God, I made it out. By the grace of God, I made it through. And there's some people who don't because it is. It's hard. [00:02:16] Speaker B: And I can't speak for everybody. Some may have been easier than others. Some individuals, transitions have been easier than others. But I know mine was tough. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Mine was tough. [00:02:27] Speaker B: And so I'm excited to bring these experiences. I'm excited to bring these stories because I believe that this conversation is not being had enough. And I do believe that once this conversation, as we start to highlight this conversation, as we start to bring awareness. [00:02:44] Speaker A: To the transition to life after sports, it'll equip people. It'll really bring an awareness, it'll bring a level of resources. [00:02:56] Speaker B: Hopefully we can bring a level of resources and tools to our current athletes. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Our future athletes, to help position them to have a successful transition for life after sports. I mean, so if you see me drift out and all this green, shout out to my boy, DeShawn Jackson. De Jack, if you know football, you. [00:03:21] Speaker B: Know Philly Djack was different. Philly Djack was always on t mo. Philly Djak was in TMO. Shout out to Djak. Long beach, probably great. Philly great NFL hall of Famer. I just thought I'd do it today. [00:03:36] Speaker A: Why not? [00:03:37] Speaker B: So when we talk about sports, and I think I never got that. So when people ask about. I want to just share this. When people ask about who was the. [00:03:45] Speaker A: Best receiver that I've ever had to. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Guard, I played two years in the NFL, went over to Canada, and played another three years in Canada. I played with the Buffalo Bills, the Indianapolis Colts, and, of course, under the great Mike Tomlin with the Pittsburgh Steelers. [00:03:59] Speaker A: People always ask, who's the greatest receiver that you've ever had to guard? I got my top three, and every team has, like, the best, right? So I'm gonna go from three, two, one. Stevie Johnson. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Now, you young folks probably don't know about Stevie Johnson. Stevie Johnson was the coldest Stevie Johnson had. Stevie Johnson was Devontae Adams off the line before Devontae Adams. Devontae Adams was probably, like in elementary, when Stevie out. When Stevie Johnson was out there giving. [00:04:31] Speaker A: Folks that, Stevie Johnson in Buffalo was just something cold. [00:04:40] Speaker B: He'll give you. [00:04:40] Speaker A: I'll give you. [00:04:41] Speaker B: I'll share a story really quick. This is my first year, 2012. I'm on the practice squad. I'm coming in. We're like the red zone. Five and in. And I'm lined up on Stevie Johnson. And Stevie gives me this. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Just like that. I'm over here. [00:04:59] Speaker B: Stevie's over there with the ball in his hand. And I kid you not. [00:05:05] Speaker A: Damn. [00:05:05] Speaker B: I can't even remember the coaches, the. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Head coach's name at the time, Cheney something. Cheney. And he laughs and he goes. He does that to everybody. I kid you not. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Go, YouTube Stevie Johnson. [00:05:19] Speaker A: Cole. So I go number two, Reggie Wayne. Reggie Wayne. [00:05:24] Speaker B: If you don't know Reggie Wayne, Reggie Wayne is a hall of famer. Indianapolis, co I had the opportunity to play with Reggie Wayne. I had the opportunity to play with Andrew Luck. Man, just being in the same room with these guys was just ridiculous. [00:05:38] Speaker A: I saw Reggie Wayne catch an out route, like, backhanded. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Something's just ridiculous, something that you only can write about. [00:05:48] Speaker A: And, of course, he's a hall of famer, right? It was. His routes were crisp. [00:05:53] Speaker B: He didn't have a ton of speed. [00:05:54] Speaker A: But the dude had hands. The dude can catch and he could run routes, but he had hands. [00:06:03] Speaker B: So Rachel ain't at my number two and my number one, this guy. What do I say? What do I say about this dude? Out of all the three that I'm getting ready to name, he's the smallest stature and size. [00:06:19] Speaker A: But dude was a dog. Dude was a dog. Workhorse dog. [00:06:26] Speaker B: And honestly, when you look at his. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Numbers, probably better than majority of the NFL now and then, led the league. [00:06:38] Speaker B: I want to say three or four years in a row in yards, receptions. [00:06:43] Speaker A: And, like, receiving yards. But his mentality was just fearless, just a doll. Antonio Brown. [00:06:55] Speaker B: Antonio Brown was literally the best receiver in at Lee for at least five, six years straight. Four for sure. You got to go look at the numbers. [00:07:04] Speaker A: Four for sure. AB was probably, I'm not gonna say probably. AB was hands down the best receiver. [00:07:12] Speaker B: That I had the opportunity to guard. [00:07:13] Speaker A: And or play with. Dude was crazy. [00:07:17] Speaker B: I mean, from his mentality, from his work ethic, from his ability to play the game, he was fearless, he was tough, and the dude was cool. Now, you know, you may have your opinion about the brother now, but AB was solid. [00:07:31] Speaker A: AB was a solid dude, at least in my experience. [00:07:35] Speaker B: My experience that I had with AB was solid. I had nothing bad to say about. [00:07:38] Speaker A: The brother, but he was cold. One of the best to do it in the league, and I stand by that. And I stand by that. And then we look at AB. [00:07:48] Speaker B: Now, I don't even want to get into AB right now. [00:07:50] Speaker A: Cause we could go into that in some other time. [00:07:52] Speaker B: But when we look at that, at. [00:07:53] Speaker A: Some point, all of these gentlemen had to transition out of the league at some point. [00:07:59] Speaker B: You have the best of the best. [00:08:01] Speaker A: That would transition out of the league. [00:08:03] Speaker B: Now, I come in a free agent. I jump around the league for a little bit. I spend about two years in the. [00:08:09] Speaker A: League, and I didn't expect my transition. [00:08:14] Speaker B: To come when it did. Now, if you haven't heard my transition story, I talked a little bit about it on the last episode. Click the link. [00:08:19] Speaker A: Click. Go look at it. [00:08:21] Speaker B: Go hear it. Go listen to it. [00:08:23] Speaker A: And I wasn't really prepared for my transition. [00:08:26] Speaker B: And so that poses the question as we work through this space and as we share space and transition, when we're talking about the transition, are you ever really prepared? And even as we talk through this and even as we highlight the transition, my hope is that the conversation will really ignite something in the minds of. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Current athletes and future athletes to help prepare them. [00:08:47] Speaker B: Because guess what? And I say it all the time. [00:08:49] Speaker A: And I'll say it a thousand billion times after it's coming, if you like it or not. And so how do we get ready for it? [00:08:57] Speaker B: And when you're transitioning, it not only affects you, right? It not only affects you, it affects. [00:09:02] Speaker A: The people around you. [00:09:05] Speaker B: I had a conversation with my mother. [00:09:06] Speaker A: And my brother not too long ago. [00:09:09] Speaker B: Just asking him, when I was in. [00:09:11] Speaker A: The league, what was their experience, right? [00:09:15] Speaker B: I never had a football team growing up. I wasn't the guy who, you know, I was a fan of a team. I wasn't a fan of a team. I was a fan of players. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Jerry Rife, Charles Woodson, Ray Lewis, right? Like, these were guys that I just. [00:09:36] Speaker B: I looked at and said, I want. [00:09:38] Speaker A: To be like that. I want to be this caliber player. [00:09:42] Speaker B: So I was a guy didn't have a team. My brother, a big Pittsburgh Steeler fan. So when I had the opportunity to go play in Pittsburgh, I had a futures contract, either signed back to Pittsburgh or signing with the Indianapolis Colts. And, of course, I mean, talking about you playing with Ryan Clark. You're playing with Ike Taylor, and you're playing with hall of Famers like Troy. [00:10:01] Speaker A: Palamalu, you know, Lawrence Taylor, Lawrence Timmons. [00:10:06] Speaker B: You know, Lamar Woolley. [00:10:08] Speaker A: You know, I mean, you're playing with Brett Kiesel. [00:10:12] Speaker B: You're literally playing with hall of Famers under Mike Tomlin, Ben Roethlisberger, Tony O'Brien. Like, you know, Mike Wallace was there at the time. I'm talking about you're playing with hall of Famers. There was no question. I'm like, I think I'm gonna stay here in Pittsburgh. My brother's favorite team was Pittsburgh growing up. So that did have a little something to do with it, as well, that I got the opportunity to really make my older brother proud, to say, I got to play for my brother's favorite team. [00:10:40] Speaker A: I mean, that was just amazing. [00:10:41] Speaker B: I mean, I saw a picture the other day with him, and I, after a Raiders game, and I just remember seeing the smile on his face, man. Like, I've made my big brother proud. And so, you know, when you do get to accomplish these dreams, it not only affects you, but it affects everybody around you. [00:10:59] Speaker A: And I'm grateful for that. [00:11:01] Speaker B: And so even when you ascend and you accomplish the dreams that you desire to accomplish, and it makes everybody around you proud, and everybody gets to feel the effects and the benefits of you accomplishing your goals, it's the same thing. [00:11:22] Speaker A: When you transition out. Your family, the people around you, your relationships, they affect everything. The transition not only affects you, it affects everything around you. [00:11:35] Speaker B: As I remember when we're talking about, when we're talking about the transition, I remember. [00:11:42] Speaker A: Being so afraid, so discouraged to have a conversation with my family and or immediate friends about the struggles that I was going through during my transition period. [00:12:02] Speaker B: And so this episode, we're going to. [00:12:04] Speaker A: Talk about navigating relationships and social interaction during your transition. [00:12:11] Speaker B: And so, as we were, as I was working through this episode, I had to ask myself, like, why was it so hard, like, why was it so hard for me to communicate with my family? Why was it so hard to communicate some of the struggles that I was. [00:12:24] Speaker A: Experiencing, not only to my family, but even my friends? [00:12:31] Speaker B: So what surfaced for me a lot was because there was a perceived expectation. [00:12:37] Speaker A: That I feel. [00:12:41] Speaker B: Now that I placed. [00:12:43] Speaker A: On me, but there was an expectation that I feel externally people had on me. Like, there were. People expected a certain level of confidence. People expected a certain level of strength, right? I mean, think about it. You spend 20 years grinding. You spend 20 years going after a goal. You spent 20 plus years facing adversity, overcoming adversity, being strengthened by these challenges. And in the face of all that. [00:13:29] Speaker B: In the midst of all that, you still overcome. [00:13:34] Speaker A: To accomplish these goals, which. [00:13:36] Speaker B: In this case, was to get to the NFL. [00:13:38] Speaker A: And so there is, there's a lot of grit that's involved in that. There's a lot of perseverance that's involved in that. And that is attached to your character, that is attached to who you are. [00:13:57] Speaker B: And in my mind, that's attached to. [00:13:59] Speaker A: How people see you and how people view you. And not only that, your character in general, if you know me, I'm an extroverted guy. [00:14:10] Speaker B: I love people. I love making people laugh. I love making people smile. [00:14:14] Speaker A: I'm the guy that, you know, I want to light up a room. [00:14:18] Speaker B: I want to make sure that everybody around me is good. I want to make sure that everybody around me is having a good time, is, you know, experiences, some level of joy. And so if you. If I'm in the room and I'm in space and am I, and I'm not excited about something or I'm not. [00:14:32] Speaker A: Happy about something, people are like, what's wrong with this dude? What's wrong? [00:14:37] Speaker B: And there may not be anything wrong. [00:14:39] Speaker A: With me, per se, but it's. That's not like him, right? And so that's the character that, you know, that's a personality that I also embody. [00:14:51] Speaker B: And so when we're talking about how. [00:14:53] Speaker A: The transition affected my relationships, I remember thinking to myself, I can't. What's hard for me to express or explain to my family what I'm going through? One, because I felt like there was an expectation of me to be strong. I felt like. [00:15:19] Speaker B: I could not show. [00:15:21] Speaker A: Any sort of, like, weakness, right? [00:15:24] Speaker B: Or I couldn't show any sort of fear, or I couldn't really express that I was going through something that I had never experienced before because my thought, my perception was, I can't show this. [00:15:38] Speaker A: I can't be weak. You know, we used to have this. [00:15:41] Speaker B: We used to have this saying. We started the business when we're 1213 years old. We used to have this saying. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Our slogan was, never let him see you sweat, right? You've heard that. Never let him see you sweat. And so I had this perception of I had to be Superman, right? I had this perception of I had. [00:16:01] Speaker B: To carry on this athletic mindset. I mean, as an athlete, it's always, and you know this as an athlete. And if you don't know that, the. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Mindset of athlete is push through. You push through pain, you push through fatigue, you learn how to sharpen your mental capacity to push through. Regardless, you find a way. And so during my transition, there was a level of depression. There was a level of confusion. There was a level of fear. [00:16:40] Speaker B: There was a level of doubt. There was a level of. There was so much that went into this transition period that I could really not explain, but only experience in the way I like to communicate it or articulate or describe it is. [00:16:55] Speaker A: It was almost tormenting. There was a large level of confusion. Who am I? What do I do now? [00:17:07] Speaker B: I have to be a civilian and go get a job. And I say that with no disrespect, but when you come off the highest. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Level of play, the pinnacle of football, and all of a sudden, it stops. The world is now your canvas, your oyster, which is a good thing. But the initial shock, the initial fear, the initial chaos of how do I. [00:17:38] Speaker B: Now survive or how do I now thrive? It comes with emotions. And I didn't know how to articulate that because I was still in that. [00:17:47] Speaker A: Athletic mindset of push through. Never let them see you sweat, show no signs of pain. And on top of that, who was I going to talk to that could understand what I was going through? [00:18:10] Speaker B: I felt that there was a level. [00:18:12] Speaker A: There was nobody would really understand what I was going through. [00:18:19] Speaker B: And that's not a knock to anybody around me because my family is very supportive, my friends are very supportive. But in my mind, nobody could really. [00:18:28] Speaker A: Understand what I was going through. [00:18:33] Speaker B: Eventually, I came to a point where I started seeking help. I started finding a therapist. I started having conversations. I started finding some resources through the NFL. And one of the really insightful comments that I received from one of the therapists that I was seeing at the. [00:18:59] Speaker A: Time is I just always felt like. [00:19:02] Speaker B: I needed to feel alive. I felt like I needed an experience or I needed to continue experiences that. [00:19:10] Speaker A: Gave me some sort of rush, right? I mean, think about it, 20 years, you're getting car crashes every day. [00:19:18] Speaker B: When I say car crashes, meaning I'm. [00:19:20] Speaker A: A defender, I loved running full speed. [00:19:23] Speaker B: Into another body, day in and day out. [00:19:27] Speaker A: I enjoyed it. [00:19:28] Speaker B: Mike Thomas used to tell us all the time, you have to have a few loose grooves to be able to. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Play this game, to love to play this game. [00:19:37] Speaker B: Just running full speed into another man. [00:19:40] Speaker A: That lifts ten times a week, does nothing but drink muscle milks and protein. [00:19:47] Speaker B: Shakes to make sure that once we run into each other at full speed, he knocks me out before I knock him out, or I knock him out before he knocks me out. [00:19:56] Speaker A: And we loved it. [00:19:58] Speaker B: That is just the truth. [00:20:00] Speaker A: And. [00:20:03] Speaker B: It came with some excitement. Like, that got you excited. [00:20:08] Speaker A: And so once that's taken away, I remember feeling lost. Where's the excitement in this world? Where's the excitement? [00:20:25] Speaker B: Somebody give me something, or I want to do something that's exciting. Let me go scale the Grand Canyon, which I did. Let me buy a motorcycle, which I did. Let me jump out of an airplane and skydive, which I did. Give me something. [00:20:45] Speaker A: And I remember my therapist saying, when. [00:20:49] Speaker B: Athletes and football players retire from the. [00:20:52] Speaker A: Sport, we call them adrenaline junkies, because we do this. [00:20:58] Speaker B: We do this on a day in and day out basis. And I remember feeling so. [00:21:07] Speaker A: Almost crazy. [00:21:09] Speaker B: If I'm being honest, I remember feeling almost crazy, like I needed something. Let me feel something. Let me put on some pads and act like I'm in Pop Warner and just, you know, let me go tackle somebody. I don't know. It was a level of I just needed to feel something. And I remember thinking to myself, if. [00:21:29] Speaker A: I tell somebody this, if I tell. [00:21:33] Speaker B: One of my friends that, you know, sometimes I feel like I just want to bang my head against the wall because I just want to feel something, how crazy would I sound? [00:21:46] Speaker A: How would they look at me? How would I be perceived? And I remember finally saying this to one of my friends and he consoled me. I mean, he supported me. Hey, man, you're not crazy. [00:22:05] Speaker B: This is just a real life experience that not a lot of people go through. But you're one of the ones that. [00:22:09] Speaker A: Are going through it. You've done it at the highest level. [00:22:12] Speaker B: And it broke me down to tears because I've held it in for so long because I felt like one. I couldn't show this level of vulnerability because I wouldn't be understood. And maybe I may be. I may be looked at as crazy. [00:22:27] Speaker A: And when you think about it, I didn't want to be a burden. Like, I just. [00:22:33] Speaker B: I didn't want to be a burden to people, right? I didn't want. I didn't want people to think that. [00:22:38] Speaker A: There was something wrong with me. So I put on a smile when I was out in public. But there were some hard, dark days. And people around me, my relationships around me, they started to feel that, but. [00:23:00] Speaker B: I felt like I couldn't communicate that. So I tried to put on this mask as best as I possibly could to make sure everybody around me was good. But little did I know that my family was there. [00:23:14] Speaker A: And let me take that back. [00:23:16] Speaker B: I knew my family was there. I just wasn't ready to share. I wasn't in a position where I was ready to share this with my family. I had to get to a point in my transition where I was okay with being vulnerable with those around me. [00:23:31] Speaker A: And so when we're talking about the transition and how it affects the relationships around you, the relationships around you during. [00:23:41] Speaker B: Your transition are vital and key to a successful transition period, because there's a level of authenticity, there's a level of vulnerability, there's a level of insight that I believe those that are surrounding you during your transition should have for those. [00:23:59] Speaker A: Of you that are going through it. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Because support is important in this space. [00:24:06] Speaker A: Safety is important in this space. [00:24:15] Speaker B: And so even when I started to. [00:24:18] Speaker A: Try to move into the workforce, even. [00:24:21] Speaker B: When I started to move in the workforce, I was still facing a level of anxiety. [00:24:27] Speaker A: I was still facing some parts of depression. And really, nobody in the workforce could really understand that. [00:24:41] Speaker B: I work now in the nonprofit sector. I've been in the nonprofit sector for about three or four years now. There was no way four years ago I could come into this space and build relationships authentically. Based on some of the traumas and some of the lows of my experience with the transition. I remember I would be very frantic or anxious at times when things were moving a little bit slow or when the team wasn't operating in the way that I felt like the team would operate. But there was a level of trauma and there was a level of anxiety that would arise in me because I. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Was still fresh, I was still someone. [00:25:27] Speaker B: Who went through an experience where every. [00:25:31] Speaker A: Tuesday somebody might be coming knocking on. [00:25:33] Speaker B: Your door if you're not performing the way you should perform. And I didn't want that to show up in my work. And so I think there's a healthy balance there. But when I'm talking about building relationships around me and how this transition starts to affect the relationships around you, not only in a negative way, but even in positive ways, I started to understand, and I want you all to understand, that the support during the transition will come from those that are surrounding you, come from those healthy relationships that are surrounding you, but also they can affect. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Those new relationships that you're surrounded with. So my conclusion here is, how can we help? [00:26:23] Speaker B: Like, how can, how can, how can. [00:26:25] Speaker A: We prepare the best for this transition in supporting one, getting supportive relationships, and. [00:26:35] Speaker B: Also being in a healthy space to where your transition also supports those around. [00:26:42] Speaker A: You or helps those around you? For me, step one, be honest. You have to be honest. [00:26:51] Speaker B: Find a safe space where you can be honest. Find someone you can be honest with. For me, I had a, I was in a relationship at the time. She really understood where I was coming from. [00:27:04] Speaker A: In a sense, she listened to, you. [00:27:06] Speaker B: Have to have someone who is around. [00:27:08] Speaker A: You who can listen with an unbiased, non judgmental perspective to just listen to a therapist. Seeing a therapist changed the course of. [00:27:21] Speaker B: My transition period because it allowed me another level of authenticity, it allowed me another level of expression and then to get feedback and tools to properly help the way I was maneuvering and thinking. [00:27:39] Speaker A: To make sure that I was healthy, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. So those are my top two tools, right? [00:27:52] Speaker B: You want to have people around you that listen, that understand that this transition. [00:27:59] Speaker A: Is challenging and that creates safe spaces. [00:28:03] Speaker B: And healthy spaces for you to grieve. What you've just been through, a 20 plus year relationship has now ended. Whether it be abruptly or planned, it's over. And there has to be a level of, or there has to be a period of grieving. [00:28:22] Speaker A: And so my question to you all, you know, is there any advice, is. [00:28:29] Speaker B: There any advice that you would give. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Our listeners when it comes to navigating. [00:28:36] Speaker B: Relationships, healthy relationships, community, family support? [00:28:45] Speaker A: What helped you? How was your transition? When we're talking about how it affected. [00:28:52] Speaker B: Your existing relationships and how it affected. [00:28:54] Speaker A: Building new relationships, I love to hear from you. Leave a comment like post Share send me an email. Let's talk about it again. [00:29:08] Speaker B: This is your boy ig. We're on the Transition podcast. Our goal is to impact generations, inspire greatness. We want to support those athletes that are coming up in these next generations, to prepare them for a healthy transition, for life after sports. And we also want to create space. [00:29:24] Speaker A: For those of us who've been through the transition and may not have an. [00:29:28] Speaker B: Opportunity or may not have an opportunity to express it and to share it. So this is the space we want to do that in. I'm excited to tune in. We're just getting started. [00:29:37] Speaker A: We're just getting started. [00:29:38] Speaker B: Once again, it's your boy, ig. Peace.